Life on the Road - Looking back on 4 ½ years of travel

Recently a few things have come up which have made me think back and reminisce a lot about my life these last few years. Its coming up to 4 and a half years since I left Ireland on a year-around-the-world backpacking trip. This was supposed to be a trip where I would find my inspiration and I would eventually return to Cork, Ireland 12 months later and have it all figured out - ready to put in another 40 years until retirement.

But here I am all these years down the line and but for a few months back in Cork in the end of 2012 I have never looked back. Call me what you like - gypsy, hobo, vagabundo, bum or nomad! I never imagined leaving Ireland as a newbie backpacker in June 2011 that I would be sitting writing this in my apartment in Medellin, Colombia over 4 years later but the best thing about life is that it always throws up a few surprises along the way.

Newb - 2nd day in Bangkok

That first 12 months backpacking now seems so long ago. I had traveled a bit before but mainly those 2 week trips to Greece, Turkey or Spain for the Irish to get their annual dose of Vitamin D. My decision to leave and book the trip was a bit unexpected. I had - like about 99% of the world - thought, probably dreamt better sums it up, of quitting my job and globetrotting - with just a backpack and a guide book.

I wasn't particularly happy in my job - I was probably going through the motions and was stuck in the all too familiar "rut". Wishing away five days ever week to get to weekend. "Was this what life was all about?".

I was lucky at that stage, back at the start of the Irish economic crash, that I got a job straight out of University and was paid pretty well and even got to travel a bit. A few colleagues from University couldn't find work and went through the familiar journey of extra courses, unpaid internships and months unemployed - a life which was very normal for graduates in the late 2000s.

For sure, I was a lucky one but office life never really fulfilled me.  Looking back on the day I booked my ticket - it was a decision I didn't think through very much. I was in Cork City on a Saturday afternoon and passed by a travel shop. I remember seeing one of those amazing beach photos in the window and thought I should find out about how much it actually costs to get to this "Hidden Paradise of Thailand". I sat down with a salesperson (was probably her first break from the honeymooners for a few hours) and the next hour passed by in a blur. I was listing cities, countries, continents, dates and times.

Its your fault travel agent...and Leonardo Di Caprio

I left an hour later with a round-the-world ticket from Cork with stops in Bangkok, Singapore, Brisbane, Santiago and New York. I remember a feeling of adrenaline kicked in - I had just spent all this money on a year travel - all by myself!! Where would I stop? Would I make friends? Would it be safe?...A lot of questions raced through my head - the most pressing being - "How the hell do I tell my parents".

I decided to tell my parents right away. As you can imagine I got the usual Irish parent reaction - a lot of references to Jesus, Mary and Joseph. In fact a lot of Bible characters were referenced.

"Are you mad?" was the most interesting question from my mother. I mean "Was I crazy?" - I hadn't thought it through a lot, I didn't know anything about South East Asia and had never done a long trip alone.

"Watch out for those snakes" - sound Irish mother advice

"And what about your job?" - I also hadn't thought that through. Here I was in February and I would leave in June. I decided to go in that Monday morning and tell my boss. I couldn't really wait to say it. I slowly broke it to a lot of people - still trying to come to terms with my own shock. But the longer I thought about it and the more people found out I became more comfortable and excited. So roll on June 2011 and off I went!

Im not going to go into details of my trip but safe to say it was a whirlwind adventure. The worries I had disappeared after just a few days. I saw so many amazing places and met so many amazing people....and I never looked back. On returning home it quickly became apparent that I couldn't settle back in Cork and I eventually left again - a one way ticket to Mexico. And now here I am - back again in Colombia - via Vancouver, Mexico, Colombia, Vancouver again, Costa Rica and Panama. I have already explained how I ended up in Medellin in a previous blog but the main thing that hits me looking back on the last few years is that the less I thought about things - the better my life has become. I have less money and less security of family and friends but I am so much happier.

I also had the dreaded 30th Birthday in July. Queue the few days of mental breakdown.

I thought back to when I was 20 - still in University in Cork - halfway through my degree. This was the time of the Celtic Tiger!! For anybody outside Ireland - this was a time when Ireland was "balling" - we had so much money. Everyone was spending cash, buying houses and cars, taking up skiing - even people were buying Hot Tubs for their houses....yes!! hot tubs!! in Ireland!! (This should have been a warning).

The Lads buying a round of drinks in the local - Fat Frogs!

"So much disposable income" - said every Irish person

I remember as a 20 yr old thinking about 10 years in the future. "when I'm 30 I'm going to be rich, close to retirement, have two houses - probably one in Croatia or Bulgaria or somewhere obscure, have started a family, have a few cars and basically be living like Richie Rich."

Eoin - Aged 30

Of course the reality of the years to follow in Ireland were very different. But thats what I thought. So when I hit 30 I was thinking - I'm not rich, I need to work before I retire, I am nowhere near one house never mind two and family and cars are waaaaaay off. But hey - I have a lot of stamps in my passport!

I also recently met up again with a girl I had first met backpacking in Argentina back in 2012, when she came to visit Medellin. We had seen each other a few times in New York in last few years but she mentioned - "Wow you are still going - still living the dream". I guess I am!

Don't get me wrong I haven't been moving around constantly for 4 years - I lived and worked well over a year in Vancouver and I have also been living in Colombia for a year and teaching English to make some money. But I was still living outside my comfort zone - still living day to day, week to week. Im still unsure where I will end up or what I will do with my life, but I am happy living in this moment. And like everyone else I still wake up some mornings thinking "What the fuck am I doing with my life!!" and "How did I end up in Medellin in Colombia!?!" But here I am.

This Sums it Up Better Than I Can Sometimes

Life is good! I live in a relatively cheap country (take that Vancouver) with really nice people and an unbeatable climate (take that Cork). Waking up everyday to sun and temperature in the 20s is pretty sweet - for sure beats those dark Monday mornings in October in Ireland where getting out of bed and going to work felt like beginning a life sentence.


I always think I am really lucky to be in this position. I am lucky I had the money to leave in the first place, lucky that I don't have commitments back home, lucky that it's easy as an Irish person to travel. I have met lots of people who aren't so lucky - whether it is university debt, sick family members, mortgages, children or just the fact you were born Colombian - making it difficult to get visas and travel wherever you like. I definitely feel lucky to be living this lifestyle!

But lets be honest life isn't alway going to be 100% great. I have moments too while traveling when life brings you down. It can get a little depressing and lonely. Sometimes I miss my family, friends in Cork and Vancouver and just the safety net of a country you understand and are not a stranger in. I have missed out on numerous weddings and funerals -my grandfather and little cousin both died while I was on the other side of the world - these times you really do feel alone. Even last week I had a moment where I wished I was watching Ireland beat Germany in a bar at home.

We beat Germany - if you didn't know

Traveling can be tiring. After months of backpacking its natural you won't have the same enthusiasm and appreciation to see another waterfall or temple or beautiful beach. Everything - even the most amazing things - can become a little mundane after a while. I had points like this but I still felt grateful for what I was seeing.

"But is it not really hard to travel solo?" 

This is a question I get a lot. Traveling alone has given me the opportunity to be outside my comfort zone, to meet incredible people, to meet good friends, to have freedom and a sense of adventure! In short I have no regrets. I have met people for hours, days, weeks or months - and each one has had an effect on my travels. I have spent only a few hours with people and still to this day consider them as good friends and we keep in regular contact. Considering there are people I went to school with for 14 years that I never speak to - this is an amazing thing.

Paddy Day 2013 in San Cristobal Mexico

I guess when you travel alone you have to be more outgoing and friendly. You meet people in the same situation and instantly have something in common - which always helps to break down barriers. It's the people that make the places and experiences. You can be in a beautiful place and alone and wonder what all the fuss is about. But you can be in a boring little town in the middle of nowhere with an amazing group of people and have the time of your life. I seriously recommend solo travel and don't regret it.

Jungle Hostel in Costa Rica 2015

Of course it can be hard though. Obviously there are times when you have the same conversation for the 5th time that morning and feel like jumping off that beautiful waterfall you saw earlier that day:

"Where are you from?". 

"How long have you been traveling?"

"Where are you going next?"

This makes you long for your good friends who know you and can joke with. I miss the banter of my friends - the natural conversation and memories you can bring up. You also miss the little things - from the long summer nights, to bread that isn't shite, to flushing toilet paper down the toilet - to more hipster things like - good sushi, ramen, WholeFoods (still waiting on my hamper from Vancouver- hint to all my friends there), Mexican tacos or a proper pint of stout. But every day is different as a solo traveler, full of opportunities to breakdown stereotypes, make friendships and try new things!

Sound Life Advice

The one way that traveling solo has affected me in a somewhat negative way is that I think I have become a commitment phobe. The fact it feels like I have been restarting my life every 6 months makes commitment difficult. Starting from scratch, getting to know a new culture, making friends, finding a place to live can be really hard...to the point that I find commiting to anything over a few weeks difficult. Whether thats someone special, a gym membership, buying a fan for my room (which I still haven't committed to and keep promising myself I will every time I wake up sweating my ass off at 3am).

I guess the hardest thing is building friendships or relationships. I have met some incredible people but knowing that I could leave anytime soon makes it hard to committing time and emotions to building on these. I think this was especially true in my time in Vancouver - where even though I made some true friends I still, maybe without even thinking, kept people at arms length. So yes, solo life can be a bit tricky and at times lonely.

Now I have been in Medellin a while I have built strong friendships and I am more open to letting that guard down. Sometimes you miss having someone who really understands you - who figuratively and literally speaks your language. Someone to give you a hug when you are down or to just enjoy the good times. But instead of being depressed I realise that I am responsible for my choices. I am here because I want to be here. This is what I want and even if it is a bit selfish - this is what makes me happy. Even if solo Netflix and Chill (*insert joke*) may sound depressing I am lucky to be here in this moment. And I have learned to enjoy the alone time too.

All Day Every Day

A lot of people in the last few years have said things like "What you did was so brave" or "I wish I could just leave everything and live like you". But the thing is I don't feel brave or that I deserve a pat on the back or that what I am doing is better way to live life. I look at it the opposite way.

I think those people who stay in a job they hate or in a life they are miserable in are brave. There is nothing brave about doing something to change your life for the better or doing something to make yourself happy. Doing that just makes sense. Hopefully I can look back in another ten years and think I did those years justice. For sure I have fucked up along the way and I will do it countless more times in the future.

But this time I am not going to say where I want to be or where I think I will be in ten years time. I am going to live my life, be happy, keep having new experiences and enjoy what I am lucky enough to have. The thing is there is no script to life, no 'How To Guide' . Do what feels right for you.

Whether thats living in a hammock on a beach on some deserted island or working 12 hour days until you are 65.

Do what you want - not what you think you should be doing!

Think less and live more!

Or just come join me as gypsy - I will even give you the password to my Netflix account.

Dr Felipe

So You Want to Be a Paisa?? - The Last Important Steps to Becoming a Paisa - Part 3

Ok so it's been a while since my last post. It has taken me a while to get the punctuality and entrepreneurship arts down - add to that watching the Copa America, my 30th Birthday mental breakdown and the fact that the novelty of having actual sun in July hasn't worn off yet (yes Ireland thats a stab at you) - but I'm back.

This is going to be my final instalment of my guide to living like a Paisa and is going to cover a number of important topics. Not all my Colombian friends are going to agree with these...but hey Im a Gringo...I'll do what I want!

Family

Paisas are very close to their families. Coming from Europe where we want to escape our parents clutches and be independent from about 15 this can be difficult to understand. In Ireland a phone call from the Mother usually leads to a "Ah Jaysus, what did I do?" response but here they love it. Im on the other side of the world and my contact with the parents amounts to a 15 minute Skype every two weeks, in which after 5 minutes we run out of "news" and Im asked about the weather and told about that man up the road - who I don't know ("Ah you do know John!?!?") - whos cousins horse got put down.

Sunday Best

My friends here speak to the Mama everyday. A couple of time a day you will here "Hola Mama". Even if they still live at home there are daily phone calls. A few times I have been out with friends at night and the parents would call to check in. I don't think anyone in Cork would be running out of Havanas Niteclub to take a 2 a.m. call from their parents and to let them know that they have only had the one jaegerbomb.

Sunday is Family Day here in Medellin, and most of Latin America. Whole families are seen hand in hand in parks, shopping malls or just sitting in the streets. The family can amount to a few hundred cousins, nieces, nephews and anyone else with a connection. They will spend the day laughing, singing and of course eating. I have to admit its really cool to see this - from my orphan viewpoint :-(

My future self on the right

From my experience at home, the last thing we want to do is spend Sunday with our families and we just want to be left in peace to suffer through the hangover and watch some Super Sunday. I really like the idea that people here have strong family ties and remain close. Even though this leads to a few Paisas struggling to have independence, I give thumbs up to the Familia. So if you are going to be a Paisa you need to get used to the Sunday Roast lasting 4 hours and be happy to hear Uncle Joe singing traditional songs for the afternoon.

Driving

Where to begin on this one. I don't want to say there are no rules and that drivers here are a bit mental....but Im struggling to defend the Paisas on this one. The roads of Medellin resemble a WWE Royal Rumble.

Cars vs Taxis vs Buses vs Trucks vs Motorbikes vs Scooters vs Cyclists 

(Pedestrians are an unfortunate bystander)

Lets Get Ready to Rumble!!

You see everyone thinks they own the road and that the other vehicles and drivers are like those banana skins in Mario Kart, just avoid them anyway you can and don't let it stop you. I use public transport a lot as the buses will get you anywhere you want...but its not for the faint hearted. Usually you assume that those driving public transport like buses and taxis would drive the most cautious as they are responsible for the 30+ people they have on board. Buses do not follow this thinking here. Buses speed around, bouncing around the roads - it actually seems that stopping to let people on and off is an inconvenience to the drivers. And don't think they will let you take a seat before they speed off again - I have seen old women and people on crutches being thrown around the bus as they try to make it to their seats. Its like watching a sort of challenge on a television game show. Oh and don't think there is a capacity to buses either - they will push as many people on as possible which makes an evening rush hour trip in 30 degrees heat quite interesting.

Was only a tap

Accidents are frequent -  in the last week I have seen three cyclists on their asses at the hands of taxis. Its actually impressive that there aren't as many. So I don't know if that means they are really good drivers or really bad. Lanes are just nice lines that someone has painted on the streets and it seems like indicators are just for show - like some fancy lights that xZibit has put on your car to Pimp Your Ride. This has led to me often having to jump out of the way of cars that decided that the right indicator was good enough to turn left.

Check Out These Indicators

If all else fails the drivers just wave a hand out the window - this hand gesture is enough to let you do anything you want - U-Turn, reverse back down the motorway or cross 6 lanes. So if you are going to drive like a Paisa you better have been good at those crazy driving games when you were young.

Playing too much Gran Theft Auto

Disclaimer: Im actually lucky that my friends with cars drive really well - or else my mother would be sending litres of Holy Water.

Sugar

If you are going to devote yourself to being a full Paisa - you might have to risk becoming a diabetic. These peeps have got a sweet tooth. A little coffee usually comes with 3/4 sachets of sugar. Every coffee place or Panaderia I go to there is the running joke that I am the guy who doesn't take sugar. Apparently its strange that I don't want to have more sugar than coffee in the cup. Im usually forced to take the sugar anyway which means I have a nice collection back in my place....you know for the rainy day.

Go ask for a juice and you will see ladles of sugar go into the blender. I always have to ask for no sugar - a thing a few people just disregard. Ok some fruits are sour and need a little bit  of sweetening....but my God why are you putting a half kilo of sugar into a strawberry or mango juice..."Wont anyone think of the Diabetes!?!"

Breads that Im assured are 100% Brown or Integral and aren't sweet usually wind up being like a Croissant. And if you still aren't satisfied theres usually a bottle of condensed milk lying around the place to make sure you get that sweet hit. So embrace the sugar people!!!

Pride

Colombians are proud people - Paisas especially. They are proud of their country, city and their culture. Of special interest to me is the fact they are so proud of their sporting heroes. Last years World Cup saw everyone proudly and fanatically supporting the football team. At the moment they are shouting on Nairo in the Tour De France, long jumpers, basketballers and anyone who has an attachment to Colombia. There isn't a bad word to be said. James Rodriguez is a hero - even Falcao the fallen hero is still loved.

Now in Ireland we aren't as proud or supportive of our stars - Robbie Keane - our leading goalscorer of all time is usually shouted at and we prefer to focus on the bad things than the good things he has done. Maybe its just our Irish mentality - we usually prefer to have something to moan about than when things are all going well. Just take a look at how much people love the misery of Liveline with Joe Duffy - we don't do the proud Irish thing. Even Conor McGregor who is doing well for himself in UFC and making people around the world look at the Irish as more than drunken brawlers - and just brawlers, has been taking criticism. My Dad called him a "Gobshite" - a traditionally proud adjective we have for our greatest and most famous.

"I mean Joe, they even have the dogs in jerseys...horrible Joe"

Its great to see people here show pride - song on through victories and defeats and actually support their heroes.

Fans celebrate beating Brazil

Communication

Paisas have a language all of their own - slang, sayings and dialects. Soon Im going to do a guide on communicating here in Medellin but there is one particularly important method of communication here that is vital if you are to become a Paisa - the whistle.

The whistle can apply to anything - calling your kids for dinner, calling that guy with the newspapers or as a chat up line for that hot mamacita. The thing is that everyone seems to have their own whistle - its like a sort of mating call. In a group of 2000 people one whistle and you can easily find your friend or missing child - they will be the only people who register this sound. Sometimes I think that David Attenborough should do some sort of nature show on this - its pretty amazing. 

Fashion

Colombians are very image conscious and more so in Medellin. Paisas like to look good and feel good. Which makes it very strange that two particular pieces of clothing are so popular here - the Bumbag and Crocs.

Bumbags (or Riñoneras) are seen everywhere. To most of us in Ireland and Canada - these are the truly awful accessory that your Dad would wear on holidays - for security of course - and lead to us walking at a distance of 20 metres behind to avoid anyone thinking we are with the weirdo with the bumbag.

But in Medellin every has one - at the gym, going for a run, salespeople, business men - even teenagers who are fashion savvy will throw one on to go do exercise or for a night out. Maybe they are ahead of the times and I should be buying shiploads for the European market. But its still strange to see. I have almost been peer pressured into getting one.

Which One Today?

Crocs too look like they are taking over. I have never owned a pair but I am assured they are comfortable....for around the house or garden. Once again here in Medellin everyone wears them. I have seen them on the buses, in the centre, in bars, in nightclubs, shopping malls and at the gym. If that isn't enough you couldn't just have a plain pair of Crocs - you need to have some charms on them to make them look classy - a few angry birds or football team crests - just to pimp them a bit. Im not getting on board with this - which could lead me to failing becoming a true Paisa.

Just Wrong

So those were a few of my observations on the steps you need to take to become a True Paisa.

Some of my steps were mainly trying to show some of the big differences and was definitely tongue in cheek. But the main thing to take out of my guide is this.

Paisas are the most generous, friendly and welcoming people you could wish to meet in your life. I have traveled a lot and I have never seen somewhere like this - the love, the pride, the smiles.

So even if you have to put up with diabetes and a few near death experiences on the roads - there is nobody you would rather meet than a Paisa!!

Im A Paisa

So You Want To Be a Paisa? How to Live Like a Local - Part 2

So I hope by now you got Step 1 nailed and are now following Colombian punctuality guidelines - or lack there of!!

On to Step 2 - this is where it gets good and we start making some dollar dollar.

Step 2: Entrepreneurship

Paisas are renowned for being business people.

In fact walking and interacting with people on a daily basis is like being on Dragon's Den. No matter where you go or who you talk to - the Paisa will probably have something to sell. Mention you are looking for something for the house or how you really like that t-shirt and you will find out that lucky you...this person not only knows where you can get them but also sells them personally.

Speak to someone for 5 minutes and you will find that they are entrepreneur. These people "gots the skills to pay the bills". For example, I have a friend who is an accountant, has set up an alcohol home delivery service, sells swimwear, installs security cameras, repairs computers and has time to make jewellery.

Coud you not have arrived on time to pitch???

What I really like about Paisa's is that they are an enterprising bunch. If there is a buck to be made they will grab it. Take for example the women that emerge to sell black plastic bags when it starts to rain - or the guys who clean car windscreens at traffic lights. Students going to university can be seen with a little lunchbox of sweets, chocolate and snacks which they can sell to friends and classmates at lunchtime. 

Paisas are hardworking and they aren't afraid to get their hands dirty to provide for themselves. Some sellers maybe looking to make an extra bit of cash to be able to buy a new t-shirt or two, while others are selling to feed their children. These are extremes but people don't sit back and wait for handouts - something that is nice to see coming from a country where social welfare and handouts are all too common. 

There isnt anywhere in Medellin where the Paisa Entrepreneur cannot be seen - but to enjoy them in all their glory you need to take a trip to the Centro. Walking the streets of the Centro is like running the gauntlet of salespeople and food stalls. The Centro is a magical place, where you can find anything and everything you could ever wanted or didn't want - from blue jeans to inflatable paddling pools to the latest "authentic", "hand stolen" cell phone.  

DVDs and sunglasses are amongst the most popular sells. You can get most DVDs for under $1 before they appear in cinemas. And if you want the latest Porn movies, well the place to go is next to the Church in the centre - yes the sellers have decided that the best location for selling their dirty movies is next to God's House - probably some method to this madness - dont have to go far to confess your sin.

Nice Selection

Next to the Church....shame on You

He carries this on his back

It really does seem like everyone is selling. Centro Comerciales or malls are everywhere with endless tiny stalls packed together. Basically there is a Centro Comercial for every imaginal product - shoes, technology, dresses, bikinis, textiles, jeans. There's probably a hundred people selling the same thing - which to me is a bit strange. Dusting the cobwebs from my business degree ,we were taught to be successful you need to differentiate from your competition. But here everyone sells the same thing at the same price - but everyone seems to sell and make money. So screw my lecturers - follow Paisa Entrepreneurship 101 - you want to be exactly like your competition but sell the Adidas jersey with 4 stripes and not 5.

All originals of course

Some people will try to sell everything - herbal remedies, DVDs, socks, football jerseys and remote controls. While others will focus on one thing - hats. If you are going to do something - Do it well!!

Hats

Lots of suspicious things here

Wherever you go you will here the ubiquitous "A la Orden"..this is a baffling catch all phrase which means (to name a few):

• Hello
• Come have a look
• Yes we do sell that
• Can I help you with a size
• Yes we do have that size
• I can take your payment
• You are welcome
• and.... Please come again

But you dont even need to go to the Centro and shop like a sucker because.... they will come to you!! About 2/3 times a day I hear the beautiful sound of  "Mango, Mango, Mango" as the mobile fruit shop comes around. This isnt any Postman Pat style mobile shop on wheels. Its basically a cart full to the brim of mangos, bananas, oranges, papayas, pineapples and all sorts of fruit and veg - which meanders around the neighborhood selling to peoples' front doors. There are about five carts which do the rounds in my neighborhood. The produce is usually better than the supermarket too - with no lineups. But you dont just need fruit - you need arepas, gas, plastic bags, a remote control cover,  tea towels - they are all here.

Pineapple Cart

My favorite mobile cart in my neighborhood is the interior design cart. Which to my eye sells mirrors, painitng and a few tables. You know that feeling when you are sitting on the sofa wishing you had a mirror - well here you dont need to even get in a car and head to Ikea. Ikea is coming to you...and its a cart on wheels!

Mobile IKEA

So we have realised there is money to be made. But to be Paisa you really want to make sure you are covering all those markets out there. Sell to the people on the bus, sell to the children leaving school, sell to people leaving the church, sell to people stuck in traffic. In every opportunity lies a business.

All Paisa business people usually have the same traits. Confidence, great talkers, jokers, ridiculously hardworking and with a great eye for a deal. You may think you are getting a steal but realise this person hasn't been out selling for 16 hours to not make a profit.

Unfortunately I usually get treated to Gringo Prices in places where there is no price advertised which is annoying but kind of expected. If you can make another few dollars from an unknowing foreigner, why not....sure they will have a nice story to tell when they get home.

There are so many weird and wonderful businesses here in Medellin. To give you a taste of the rarer or niche kinds here are a few of my favorite businesses I have seen in Medellin and a few of my future jobs I am sure.

(1) Sell Mobile/ Cell Phone Minutes - Minutos

For some reason to call a different network provider on your phone here is really expensive. So what are  you going to do - make sure all your friends and family are on the same network? NO! This is Medellin. The Minutos business person has bought a phone and usually pays a rate that allows unlimited calls. The stall owner has usually about 3 shite phones - no iPhones or Galaxys here - think more Snake than Angry Birds. These phones are attached to the owner by chains or rope - think job security. The peson will usually have a high-vis vest or some flag that say they sell minutos at 100/200 pesos.... Much cheaper than to call using your own phone! Ok these people are making maybe $0.05/$0.10 a pop but it all adds up. Plus the Minutos People usually have a little mobile cart that has single chewing gums, single cigarettes and coffees so they are branching out and seeing opportunities. The lighter is also on a chain -  so don't get any ideas.

You only get a meter freedom, better not mention that STI

(2) Guinea Pig Gambling Agent
While in Ireland we are used to Paddy Power shops on every corner - we do enjoy a bet us Irish, we don't even care if its a real horse a computer game horse is all the same -  in Medellin there are no bookmakers...officially. Take a walk to Parque Berrio in the Centro and you will find a game which hasn't yet crossed the pond. Guinea Pig Gambling. The game is pretty simple. In the centre is a guinea pig with a plastic bowl over it - and it is surrounded by a circle of other plastic bowls - each with  a number and a little door. So you put your bet - coins or notes on which number you are going for. The boss man then shakes the guinea pigs bowl a little - disorientate it - then whichever bowl the guinea pig takes off into - winner winner. Brilliant in its simplicity and hats off to whoever came up with this.

Shake the shite out of it

Not that fecking way

(3) Traffic Light Entertainment Provider

Everybody gets bored stuck in traffic and hearing Uptown Funk for the millionth time on the radio isnt cutting it...you need real entertainment!! How about someone juggling knives? On a unicycle?..yessir Medellin has you covered. Think of it as Colombia Has Got Talent...live in your car. At most busy traffic lights there is a group of people to entertain you. Some go more simple than others with a bit of break dancing, twirling a stick, rolling that weird ball around their body. But some go all out. I have seen a guy hang a tightrope across the traffic, climb on top, grab some sticks, light them on fire, juggle them all while balancing a football on his head. I can see it now. Cirque de Soleil - Streets of Medellin!! Some of these entertainers are amazing and its sad that for risking breaking a leg or third-degree burns they probably make a dollar or less - sometimes they do it in vain as all the cars speed off the minute the lights turn.

He will probably make no money - just risking a broken neck

(I have to mention this. One of the most bizarre things I have seen sold in all my time traveling is that people will sell "the body of christ", bread of life, eucharist, holy bread, church food. A little bag can be found next to biscuits, Doritos and peanuts on a few select carts - maybe you missed mass last Sunday?!? I have been told they haven't been blessed - but maybe you are in the mood for a dry wafer? Hey if you are -  again the Paisa has got your back. )

Shite...I missed Mass

So there we have Step 2. 

If you want to be like a Paisa you better get that business hat on and start brainstorming. Because there's money to be made!! With that Im off to buy some guinea pigs and a tight rope...see you on Dragons Den soon.

So You Want To Be a Paisa? - Part 1 Of My Guide To Living Like a Local!

Ok so I cant change the fact I am an outsider or "gringo".

Unless I go down the Michael Jackson route - the blue eyes give it away -  no matter how aggresively I get the tan on. Obviously life here is different so in order to fit in and feel comfortable in Medellin, it is important to learn the way of the Paisa (person of Medellin) !! Here is the first part of my guide to living like a local.

My New Look

Disclaimer: Sorry to my Colombian friends if there are a few generalisations...but you guys think all the Irish are running around drunk after leprechauns looking for that pot of gold (this is a view held by a lot people I meet around the world... *cough* Americans *cough*)

To start Im going to devote a full post to step 1...this is vital !

Step 1: Punctuality

Translation - Be on time and Be a good person and Be very good-looking

I have a love/hate relationship with Colombians' view on punctuality.

I like how they are never in a rush and seeing a Paisa in a hurry is like a solar eclipse...doesn't happen often, is amazing to see, but it may turn you blind.

For example - its 8:05 a.m. You were meant to be in work 5 minutes ago but you just need that coffee  or tinto to get you going.
From my experience what usually happens is you get into Starbucks fast, get that bad boy to go and risk third degree burns sprinting on the streets with the questionable safety of the to-go lid.



But here in Medellin?? Hold up...I'm going to enjoy that coffee and you know what, throw in an empanada or pastry. (Actually I'm surprised the slow pour coffee culture hasn't here arrived yet - wait is that a business idea !?!) This is  just an example of how Colombians are just more chilled out - enjoy the little things in life. Thats the positive box ticked...time to get on with the rant.

Oh Look Im late for work!

Firstly, I wouldn't say the Irish are extremely punctual - 5 minutes before or after is acceptable  - maybe with a quick text to reassure the boss or friend. Safe to say we aren't on German levels of punctuality - take that Merkel!!

One of the things you need to get used to here is that Paisas wont arrive on time. 9 times out of 10 you are left waiting. There is an acceptable range of being 30 minutes late here...without needing to explain yourself!
So now when I arrange to meet friends I ask "Is that 8:30 Irish time or Colombian time?". Hint - Its always Colombian!! I'm going to be honest - I know they are going to be late but unfortunately I still arrive on time or early...which leads to a nice wait.

(On another point - seeing a Colombian and unsuspecting German arrange a fixed time or appointment is one of lifes little pleasures...should you tell the German ??? Nope hahaha).

Rudi and Carlos are going to go to the hairdressers together

Ok...so they aren't the best time keepers but you see they are crafty people these Paisas. The language has allowed them to bullshit and trick us gullible gringos. Here are a few common terms used by Paisas and their literal and true meanings.

• Ya salgo 
• Definition -- "I have already left!"
• Expectation -- the person is en route!
• Truth -- I have decided I will leave at some future point...but I also have to have something to eat and finish watching these funny videos on YouTube.

• Ya estoy llegando 
• Definition -- "I am already arriving!"
• Expectation -- he/she is in the building. Lets get ready to wave and greet them! 
• Truth -- the person is ready to leave their house...but has to touch up makeup or find the car keys or will shortly begin their 10 minute walk to the metro to begin the journey of 20 minutes to the meeting point.

In fact "ya" means already, it has already occured...in the past. I now know never trust anything including the world "ya" - think of it as the Irish equivalent of "2 seconds" or "2 minutes".

• Ahorita 
• Definition -- right now
• Expectation -- this instant, immediately
• Truth --  anywhere in a 30 min to 8 hour timeframe.

• Ahorita mas tarde 
• Definition -- right now later on (!?!)
• Expectation -- soon, you wont wait too long.
• Truth -- anywhere in 1 hour to 5 days timeframe.

• _________
• Definition -- Silence
• Expectation -- Nothing left to say or clear up
• Truth -- They aren't coming but they don't have the heart to tell you (aka they dont answer messages or calls but they are posting Selfies and Shakira videos on facebook :)

Yea Im Already at the Cinema - YA!!!

Actually it's all a bit endearing. I have a few friends who try their best to arrive on time - they never do but I like to think they are trying. It's like the Irish playing basketball - we have all the best intentions in the world, try our best...but we have to admit its not going to work out.

My favorite story to tell about Colombians and punctuality is when I had an interview for a language school last year. The interview was set for 7 a.m. (yes!! wtf...but they get going early here.) I knew this was bullshit but I went along with it.

Usually I would arrive 15 mins before an interview but here I went with 5 mins. 

So i arrived, introduced myself to the receptionist and said I was here to meet Señora Catarina. Her reply? 

"Ya ella esta llegando - Take a seat".

Tick rock...15 mins went by...30 mins...at 7:40 the Señora of the momento arrives - with a croissant in hand. 

"Ya hablamos"...another 10 mins went by...so at 7:50 the began the interview. 

After a few questions I got asked this - "As we are a professional school, punctuality is of extreme importance! Are you a punctual and trust worthy person ?"

I think a blood vessel burst in my head - this lady, a Colombian asking me am I punctual !?! After my near hour wait, politely I reassured the señora "Yes!"...to which she finished the last bite of her croissant.

Wait  - More proof you say??

Recently I went to see the new Avengers movie - the listed start time was 6:15 so I arrived at 6:10, got the trailers. So it was 6:15 and in a screen with about 100 seats there were 8 of us.

By the time the opening credits rolled I counted about 20. They continued to slowly filter  in. Amazingly around 40 mins in (and by this stage Iron Man had blew up a lot of shit!) still people were arriving in - popcorn and coke in hand - which makes me wonder - if you are already missing a quarter of the movie...do you really need to line up for a gallon of Postobon Manzana? As it turns out.. Yes!

It was worth missing half the Avengers!!

Other punctuality themed highlights:

- the line up of about 1,000 people outside the stadium.... 30 mins after the game has started!

If everyone pushes we will all get in faster

- the line up at every bank at 5:05 - even though the bank has closed at 5:00 - and complaining if they aren't left in :)

I do love line ups

So thus ends part one of my guide to being Paisa - Punctuality.

Its an endearing but frustrating trait of the Paisa...but it is how it is.

I like how they are chilled out, enjoying the slow Latin culture but its still a struggle to get used to. Nobody ever rushes; walking as if they are enjoying a summer stroll on the promenade - when in fact they had classes 10 minutes ago. (Strangely enough everyone in a car seems to be in a hurry. Also everyone leaves paying bills to last minute. Im beginning to think deep down the Paisa has a masochistic fetish for line ups.)

So Step 1 plays out like Step 1 in Alcoholics Anonymous - acceptance. Acceptance that people here will arrive late and admitting I am powerless to stop it. I think I have a bit to go to live like a local on this matter :)

Tune in soon for Part 2 - should be up in an hour, day,week...lets just say Ahorita. Whats the rush anyway !?!